Classes on June 6!

After a couple of months doing things I cannot tell if wrong or right, finally we're going back to school! I'm so excited. And just the thought of riding in our old red service van gives me the thrill! I miss those, although it's been a short time since then.

I've already accomplished some given home works, and prepared well my school things. Although I haven't put names on my notebooks and books. And it's a tough task. I can't get my hands off the keyboard and on the papers.

And oh, I bought new shoes, too, because my old shoes just got busted... long before. Just saying.

Still hoping my junior life would be cool. I mean, it started right... mischief managed, and I hope it will never repeat.

Fulfillment at it's 'less finesse'

After a week - and still counting - of being involved in a Journalism seminar held, of all places, in our school, I find myself reckoning I have done 20+ yawns already. And I discovered my newest talent: sleeping anywhere as long as there's a chance. I suppose I learned several things. And things happen for a cause.

Clichéd or not, being a teacher is not an easy task.

What will you do when you are required to work on something you are awfully, well, let's say it's something you get turned off? I honestly don't depict myself as a person giving questionnaires and holding a chalk. Or even hesitatingly critiquing someone's work as if you had the weight of her life and future in your hands, by the way you use your words. Or in a sense of candor, being a teacher. And it had all come to a pure question of why did I get excited of all these things.

In my shoes.

What's the feeling? When you're in someone's identity? When you realize, out of nowhere, that you spent your entire life being a person you never know, in the first place?

I was once the normal kid anyone could tolerate - a timid, silent kid - yes, maybe I never got out of the box when I was a kid, because I can never state any adjective more than two that suits me best. Everyone must have been thinking that I was a person with no problems at all... that I was someone who can manage all of my problems with no sweat. But no. No one, I believe, can be like I was. I also needed to be someone who has friends that can be my company wherever I go. I need an identity more than what I have right now. I'm awfully tired of all of these. But all of these, only one could understand. And I've have to say aye, when I will ask who was that.

I made a promise to myself that everything will change when I enter a whole different set of people, place, and life.

I didn't mind if I would lose a very pivotal thing I own, my past identity - being the person everyone admired, let alone, know. But what good can it do when in your part, it would be so much of a burden? It's annoying how some people want to be in other people's shoe, when that someone wanted to be in someone else's.

Contentment always seemed to be a thing like impossible. Anyone aspires to be someone better than the best. And with that tiny little fact this world had carried, everything can be ruined... from a life of an ant, to the destruction of a whole continent. It seems funny how I get way far from the topic.

I know everything became a little lighter (when I did what I have to do, you know, the thing), but in some terms, I could not handle the pressure anymore. It's like, I want to give up on life and let me just die alone. Right now, I don't know what I want. If going back to where I have been used to since the day I opened my eyes, then I would be denying. If it was something I will never know, I don't know if my life would be complete. I can't really decipher what I am feeling right now. Do you think I'm crazy? I think I am. I guess some people think that way, too.

Everyone has their own opinion, and if that is theirs, no one could ever break it. That's how life goes. I guess, on my part, my opinion doesn't get to be known.

Maybe a lot of people see me as a straightforward human, a person who can say whatever is on his mind, but the truth is, whatever I have on my mind... I can only speak a fraction of it. It's another fact that maybe some people would never get what they want no matter how they reach for it. And that's the way life goes, again. People just have to act like it's nothing, that's how they cope with it.

But on the brighter side, despite my desperate need of enlightenment about life, I think I am done. I k now everything turned out like what's in the plan. I guess everyone, in my shoes, can feel what I feel right now. I am pretty awkward, I think. And ironic, too. I can be as loud as I can, but I will never tell you what I'm really feeling inside. That's how I'm trying to cope with life.

I do not know where I am off to go, but what I am sure is that where this boat I'm riding on, will only take me to a place, where I like. A place where there is no real problem. Where I can be the one I am hoping to be, and wishfully, mindlessly, I can be safe.

I guess I only made this because for the past years I am trying to cry out what I have been carrying... and I swear it's a bigger weight than ever. I apologize for all of the things I told here, because even me, no matter how much I read this again, I could not explain what I'm really pointing out. I maybe speaking wise, or maybe it's just me who can think of all of these nonsense.

I believe the latter part though. Nevertheless, these pieces of my life are not nonsense.