Relatively riveting, Ma'am Lenny and in general.

My Teacher, My Hero

a poem

Oblivious to my knowledge,

A decadence of society on a falling edge,

I could neither breathe nor smile,

Will you be there, securing me from the awful vile?

Although devastation may come and seek its hole,

I never fail to conquer my soul,

I live with a plethora of emotions worth a value,

As the line of the song goes, thanks to you.

While the maze has infinitely hurdled,

A hand reached out and I'm not befuddled.

I may cry a liter of tears, or have floundered so many times,

With you saying everyone climbs, I will push myself to life.

Journey, yes, it's still a long way to mention,

I may still need to seek my own redemption.

Still, my best wishes to the paths we both take,

Someday, I'll give you cakes you yourself know how to bake.

Throughout the course of this literature which is mine, I understood that I have made a poem for someone special. A person who has been struggling on an endeavor with regards to molding me to what I ought to be. It may be a little suppressed in the demeanor of how I sometimes talk about her, about conquering my mind with an abundance of values I seem not to understand so well, the thought that I can hardly decipher what had conjured to make her chuckle, and how every day would become a hellish yet fulfilling one.

And while it is subtle and even embarrassing to say it, this is a simple thank-you gift which I don't know if you can appreciate well, a poem. If not with you, I may have not survived my first year and whatnot. I cannot count how many times have I fulfilled things without your support and guidance.

So, yes, about to whom I dedicate this; Ma'am Lenny, thank you for everything. Early regards, I will never forget you in the future. Happy teacher's day!

And so with the others, Ma'am May. I won't forget how you can change my view on third year teachers. You're the coolest, I swear. Ma'am Juliet, Ma'am April, Ma'am Evelyn, Ma'am Jenny Ann, Ma'am Malou, Ma'am Arlyn, Ma'am Benilda Orsal, Sir Ces... Happy teachers' day! In fact, it's just now that I realized the poem can be for everyone.

I'm great now. I still need your advice. You are my second teachers, after all. I must admit, impediments were lessened courtesy of you. And even though it is nonsense for me to tell that you are close to me, for I am not, it is my pride to be your student. I can not be your contestant in Chemistry or Math, I'm not that good in spelling, why, I sometimes do not get your lessons, Sir. I may have had bad feelings when you underestimate my intellectual capacity, but at least, we can tolerate them - which is not your advantage - and we really do need your help. Teachers, I don't know if doing these blogs especially made by us will make your hearts shout and run and whatnot, I don't know if you lie with your dynamic beliefs, all I know is - despite the negativity that is you teach with payable amount - you love us, more than what your salary tells you to do. You're treasures, what could we do without you?

With five or six words, I say: We love you very much, teachers.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

I was the perfect epitome of someone who was a dense idiot, if not dimwitted, when my teacher asked us a question. It made me ponder upon my existence and everything. I was on the verge of exasperation because I really cannot find an answer at the moment.

What was the reason for my living, anyway?

Once, I considered myself jealous of a friend. For all he owns and does right now, he can do everything he wants and manipulate every single detail that gets in his way. Whatever I can think of out of this just adds to my list of frustrations. If I were like him and to be him, I wouldn't have to be a loser, right? I wouldn't be the second place every time we have to be together. That means I won't have to live to be his shadow all over again.

Ever since then, my life changed.

I want to be a hero. I want to be a doctor. I really want to wear the lab gown and hold scalpels, and save the day by saving my patient. This does not involve being a president-country and hero-freedom relationship, but I really want to be (my apologies for being one of the egotistical persons you meet) prominent in others' eyes. I want them to smile at me when we meet again and remember how I changed them in a way they won't forget. I want to touch others' lives; at the same time touch mine.

The Eiffel Tower. New York City. Australia. I want to travel and experience new things. I want to have lots of tickets to fly to other countries, that's why I study. To get money for those luxuries, and to somehow escape problems (I was futuristic when I say problems.)

Someday, I know I will find that special woman, and together we will take all the odds behind. We will control the world, and will light the world with our love. We will have kids that do not color black pens, but a rainbow. We'll make sure we do the right thing. We'll hold on to each other when that's all we've got. We will love each other, and we will die together. Our coffins would be side by side. Together.

For all I know, these are main objectives of people. I am one of those people, and we strive for it.

When you want to eat already, but your mom forbids you to unless you finish your homework, isn't that motivating you to work harder to reach for your prize? Perhaps, this is somewhat the most superficial yet simplest paradigm of why people continue living. Why they need to get up every morning and be the energetic person they have to be, to repeat the cycle of life all over again... despite its confrontations.

And for someone like me, I haven't really found my real purpose in life yet. Maybe if I spoke too soon, God will change it and if I will not do anything, God will change it again. But there's this dream... even more than what I have said before... being a doctor, going to France, having kids and even surpassing the guy I envied more than anyone, I really want to feel happy. Infinite.

I'm not some kind of bullied malnourished child. I am not saying I don't find peace here. But every person, I believe, has to feel infinite. To feel extremely loved in their own way. To make that happen means to inspire other people, and with that he is loved.

That's my point all along, I guess. Many times have I been trying to touch someone's heart, and constantly failing, but I will not stop. To feel infinite is to feel that I have accomplished something that even I will not believe I did that. I want to be that. I want to have best friends, because from what I have observed, and what I read from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Charlie achieved his "infinite point" by having friends that made him like that. When I have best friends, I wouldn't have to think my purpose, because I can seize the day.

Maybe it's not like that, huh? Maybe because I want best friends because movies and tips say you can directly tell your best friend what you want to say. I thought being straightforward is enough, but some other people don't realize why I say those things.

And I just realized now that what bothers me most is not the guy I envied most, but my own insecurities. Once I learn to believe in myself, I won't have to think of that anymore.

I may have gotten too far from the topic if someone would read this, but I might as well go to the bottom line. See, I may have a lot of dreams and a lot of wants, but that is life itself. To have goals for us to keep on walking. And to continue living means to continue hoping, that one day, we'll have our own saving grace. I may climb too many mountains and swim an ocean, but I have my friends and family for that. And it's still a long way to go. It takes a lifetime for us to reach the end of our purpose, you know.

And it does not end there.