Plummeting upon an illusory tear.

I really am imponderable, I guess. The moment my teacher told us about this, my mind ran out of ideas that probably eluded their existence from my brain so that I may not really understand what am I. So, tell me, what am I?

To start off, my mommy said I'm forgetful, notorious, all the negativism I can recall. Perhaps, I just could not retaliate what has she said good, but I don't keep that in mind.

At school, I have friends, or at least the singular form. I don't know. I just hate people very much, just because of instances. Or so, and they too hate it. If I do not get along with other people, my intuition says it's okay, for they do not know what they are missing. I don't know, I'm egoistic.

I personally love to draw. Only, if I decide to draw some comic strip or something, I can only draw legs and neck and busts, or face and muscles, similarly akin to anime guys. It would most probably look cool to me.

And most recently, my parents and I had fun playing cards. And with that I felt so calm. And pure.

What am I talking about? I just felt the need to say it, though. It's just an immense elucidation of my skin concealed from some superficially perfidious eyes of the judgmental, after all. And to flourish the sincerely slow unraveling of myself. What kind of hero would I sound if I would not give a definite answer? So here I go... saying I'm an oblivion tree.

I firmly believe that there is no full contemplation on what a person really is, unless he is described by God. And also, the simplest thing I can eventually reckon about my human mind is that it does not take things systematically. I do not look like someone who paints the world with such vigor and splendiferous, wow, and can y0u deem I can just write about something, obviously unaware I could complete a sentence without looking back?

Confused, discombobulated, disentangled - you name it, but every person has his own jigsaw puzzle to solve, a house to construct, better yet a tree to grow himself. And what I can regard is that I can always ensure taking care of that tree - and it will stand tall, like its caretaker.

Our teacher told us to compare myself to a tree, and like what oblivion means - nothingness - there is only one tree like that. I'm incomparable, and I am a Filipino, hence, I can be the tree I can look up to, which is nothing at all. Does this blog post sound void?

So, are you aware of the famous tree - oh yeah, there's none like that, like the name itself. Perchance you are now. And therefore, unlike an apple tree we have probably read in our story books, or told by our fancy preschool English teachers, that sufficed all the blessings she had to the boy, I do not. I have already proven that when forever is given, there is no taking back. The only thing that would mull over things is the knowledge that we do not have to repeat it. I give, but unlike an apple tree, I could not give all for I know I should partake for myself; and for the record, I kind of revealed a pearl of tear when I read the last part of The Giving Tree, saying all that she has was given, and I felt the wholehearted love in it.

Embellished nostalgia.

While other students my age could easily get over something like - what, eternal happiness, I would be left on cloud nine, trying to put myself back... and I constantly fail.

Have I been waiting all along for my Intramurals clothes to be washed, so I can wear them all day long, recalling what it felt to be cosmic. Day after day...

From the nook of my head, I recall it was a hectic day; Ma'am May told us to bring cameras which I hesitatingly borrowed from Joseph and Eula. I recalled Jestine talking to me about some Shakespeare's idioms or so I thought that meant as whole different story. I recalled some people running to and from the Maliksi Building, in their loose red shirt, with a horse symbol on the center, and I realized I too, was in the same crowd. Oh, yes, it was a sports event. Okay.

Basically, I'm not sporty. Far from my stature's potential, I never got the hang of playing, slash watching basketball, or volleyball, or table tennis, and even chess, goodness, I don't win any match. But straightforwardly, I did enjoy this two-day event. Perhaps because this is too phenomenal, or it's just that we're not going to have classes for two days. Just kidding.

It was 8:00 AM, or did I lose track of time, when I found myself listening to our principal's welcome address accompanied with superficially pathetic adjectives 'long yet meaningful' and I must admit, it was really meaningful - and long.

So despite the task that was documenting the events, I'm sure my colleagues and I would agree that we did not have a bad time. After *drumrolls, the hot people are here* Mr. and Ms Physiques were introduced, and the cheer dances were superbly accomplished, ever-gorgeous Ma'am Myra got the mike, and together with the school head, mustered the sentence: Let the games begin!, with a jump ball from each team captains from four levels.

The next thing I can remember is that I was in the Physics Lab, momentarily watching chess boys, while being the loudest. I know contestants there would not mind me, but the facilitators were. I remember, one time, while two girls were almost done playing, and someone said 'checkmate', I quickly peeked, and I was surprised to realize it's not yet! So absentmindedly, I said, "Here!" While moving the rook piece which is supposed to be invalid. A teacher went and I went frantic, eluding the laboratory. That was the scariest and most unforgettable moment. Anyway I got what I wanted, the results and pictures.

I didn't bother to watch basketball, partly since I had no interest, 'Boo it was bragging and all,' but mostly, because someone is documenting it already. And I just don't want to see it, that's all, or was I being odious?

So instead of deliberating my discombobulated thoughts, I just went by walking and passing the gym. So I stayed there, almost unable to hear my own voice, because the crowd's voice was even louder than thunder, it seemed. An event like sack race defeated basketball - block A's audience impact? What a big surprise. There, with Jazzel, we watched as Jaffet hopped like a grasshopper, and I was overjoyed, forgetting my great yearning for drinks. So obviously what I did was to go to canteen, eat and drink, and rest...

The next thing I knew, I was in front of the computer, while in front of the TRC was patintero playing. When I needed to go back to room, someone I knew was going to where I came from, and I cannot look at her entirely. It was 3:00 PM or something, and she just came out of the Physics Lab - the one I pawned in the chess games. I saw her face weird. For a second thought, 'Oh she stayed long for another chess game with Jazzel.' And I chuckled a bit. It was plainly weird for it was hot, normally in the afternoon, the sky would cry. But maybe it's in the Lord's plan...

I was still stretching my arms for I think I had sprain, slash cramps while sleeping there for no apparent reason, when I remembered I need to wear my red shirt again. I recalled, "A whole day of documenting again, eh? I would find time enjoying the stay, I guess." And I could just be the most accurate fortuneteller.

I didn't document most of the day. I just stayed in the TRC, and some introduction for the said documents. I reckon my bloodshot eyes were in deep suffering, but my mind was elsewhere. Every time I hear hearsay that basketball-girls is going to start, I remembered telling myself, "This is one great frolic to end the sports event." So without any repercussions, I left the computer, thinking I have all the time, time to time watching the girls do their thing. I cannot help but to pity Joanna for she guarded a huge (not to criticize) opponent and I heard she had bruises everywhere. I could feel how juniors acted when Debbie shoots a ball. And amidst this, I could feel my heart pounding, thinking if I didn't watch this, even just looking a bit then going back to the TRC, I would have missed half of Intrams' spirit. Ate Cristelle decided to go home so we cleaned the room we stayed in, said goodbyes, I rode our van, slept, and I went off to Dreamland... Sunday was a different story, I went to church, then to school... my head aches. But I guess when you aim on prizes, headaches are not excuses.

It was awarding ceremonies; the principal was not there, only teachers, several of them to witness the events, and same goes with the students, all roaring and shouting. I was sitting there; expecting not to stand since I didn't play anything, but at least to cheer for the team makes people glad. Two hours or less became minutes, everyone even though last place, was having a good time, and I thought that would suffice everything. Tug-of-war, sack race,... basketball-boys, MVP's, Cheerdance, Mr. and Ms. Physique, and the over-all. I thought if we were last that was a shame but I couldn't blame them because I didn't play myself. While thinking about it, Green Chevrolet (First year) was called and received fourth. Then, both Yellow Lamborghini and Red Ferrari went as 2.5, 2nd year and third year (us) respectively, and of course, Blue Porsche won, the fourth year.

I never cared about the awarding anymore. As long as I know I'm glad with what I felt, and that is pure happiness. What would be better than unity? My heart almost skipped a beat when I realized III-N was no longer isolated, or perhaps we were momentarily united with other sections, but to feel it is enough for me to feel infinite again.

As classes resume, my mind was still left in the gym, it was watching the event over and over again. My friends told that was our blog, and now I snapped out of my relentless and constant mind thinking about the Intrams', thinking it was deja vu, and I found myself typing this blog post for English-III. And while it is not directly thought of many, I knew I played something big in our sports event, thinking this is one of the rarest sports event I actually enjoyed. Of course I'll get tired reminiscing it, but how do pictures and memories help? I really felt happiness, pure happiness.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtCCvduQmQo and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCP6bko_4nI&feature=player_embedded#! made me cry so much.

Rest in peace those who died 10 years ago from September 11, 2011. I didn't have any relative - a daddy dead but hearing these voices really made a flood of tears here. I am still crying. The keyboard's very wet. And I don't care at all, I'll just listen to these videos until I cannot cry anymore. :'(

9/11 should have never happened.

Indisputable.

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Recalling

No. 1

Love does not alter. Love stays, even when it's impossible to hold on.

Love can stay firm even uproar comes along the way - it is after all, the reason why people need to wake up and still find the reason to live. And so it does not shake despite catastrophes.

Everything can wither, but unlike a shattered flower that can never bring back its honorable beauty, love can and never has it stayed for nothing but a finite moment.

No. 2

Love is an ever-fixed mark. Tattoos can fade, and so can the colors of the rainbow binding love. But it will always leave a mark no one can deny.

Love is a guide to one's true inspirations and the meaning of what he lives for, why he does that, and an ever-new reason to love. In a dark forest with no lights or fire, it is the star that can save.

Love bears any. Love is not born because of such infatuations even children cannot bear seeing. It sees with the heart, and by the moment it soars the promise that is bravery endowed together with hope, it can endure any pain. And by the power of the latter said, love wins.

B. Interpretation

Does it hurt when you walk with no slippers on? Love, in its simplest form, is the way to something that is purely incredible, and even though they say love is blind, it is in fact the eyes that we need to walk safely even there are no slippers. Love lifts us to a new haven that is far better from before – even we are lost or stupefied. And like the distance from the unbeknownst nothingness, love’s power is infinite; to believe it is faith. And though we may really measure it, the “star’s” true meaning can never be known by the human mind and only the feelings – true feelings of the heart can.

C. Extending

If it weren’t for Sonnet 116, it would still become a long way to go before anything can ever touch my heart with the true essence of love. Books said it is never resentful, Second Glance insinuates that even death could be defied with the love caressing. Movies can prove love is most powerful when main characters kiss and disobeys parents. And William Shakespeare is such a great man for he has contemplated the meaning of love by using few words. If I was to write something about love, I may have consumed 2 papers or so and still not decipher what it really is all about.

Who would deny that love is a very strong tool to forever? Do you see old couples? I can just imagine myself with a partner. I believe that people must be strong for their love’s sake, and even though the holocaust has become more obstructing, and when the lights have gone out, it is a job to control the world with love.

Love is an ever-fixed mark. Tattoos fade, and so is love. But as time goes, everyone can still see the faded stain – rather mark, that will stay there. “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.” Shakespeare, wow, just wow. I know when you love you make sacrifices, and when you endure you win.

I believe Shakespeare has loved, and only love can bring out the finest words ever to be written. This sonnet is a piece of fortune, and Shakespeare, I do agree with you. Through the course of this sonnet, I remembered reading a book, A Walk to remember, and how I bawled very much. It has thought me several lessons about love, how it surpasses the impossible, and while death can separate two people's hands, it cannot vanish love which is there forever.

“If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.” And no, he does not lie when he say something about love.

Untying the Mangled.

M: Christian, I have never expected you here.

I: Why, Ma'am May, I never did, too.

M: It's the first time to see you here.

I: Uh. But Ma'am, I'm always here! Maybe it just had happened we never bumped into each other yet.

M: Trust me, Ian. I have already known people who always go here; and you're not in the list. Gees, What brings you here? I will never mind it if you have company... is Joar here? Ricky?

I: No, he's not here apparently, Ma'am. Neither Ricky. I just want to think about our radio drama. The topics. I thought it would be better to do it in a peaceful place. :) Believe me Ma'am that's all.

M: I see, with all the doodles of lyrics there... you have drawn on your paper. And a cup of coffee already cold. To sum it: you in a, well, very tranquil, calm, coffee shop... those six words can never be fixed in a sentence I believed once. (You, in, a, tranquil, coffee, shop excluding other synonymous things) I don't believe you.

I: It so happens I have not thought of my life yet. It so happens, Ma'am, that some people earn something for a change. Do not mind me Ma'am. Pretend I'm not here. Pretend I'm dead.

M: Ian, there are some things man has kept with himself. But you are still a fine boy. You have by all means not found your console yet. Man has already brought himself to a higher level of self-thinking. And you have not yet. Never will that happen if no one will talk to you sincerely.

I: Ma'am. I'd rather keep it to myself; I will never forgive myself if I don't resolve it myself. I don't feel like talking to anyone, forgive me. I do not know... every time I think of it the pain adds a little more. I cannot take it anymore. I'm sorry.

M: Oh. Is that so? Have you ever thought that I'm still your teacher? Anyway, your grades in English will be written in red pen slash pencil... (but before Ma'am continues, Ian blurts out.)

I: Okay here it goes! See, I just can't help but shed a tear. Is that enough already? Or enough to get you a red pen, Ma'am? I hate my life.

M: What about your life?

I: See, I have just felt like nobody fits as a friend anymore. Also, I have been torn. I don't know exactly what to do. Add our Analytic Geometry problem that requires a tremendous Euclidean mind. And I know, for one, that this is just a fraction of it.

It's like everything's going to explode!

M: Ian, how can I understand you if you, yourself would not understand you?

I: That's the point, Ma'am. I have been suffering great dilemma lately.

M: I don't see it in you.

I: That's why I'd rather keep my mouth shut.

M: No, it's useless. Tell your problem, and I promise to keep it a secret.

I: But... I bet you still won't understand. Candor as I may talk, I really lost a friend. I have been imagining myself unaffected. I have always dreamed of smiling always, I've been practicing therapeutic something something and it's all a big loss. I have just proven I'm not a great person after all.

M: No one, in my life, could be as perfect as me, you know. I hope you get my point.

I: I'm trying, Ma'am.

M: See, Ian. Whoever this person is, I hope you find the spirit to live without him. It will never be easy, for some time in our life, there's a special person, regardless of the sex, that will come and turn your whole world upside down, spark you for the first time in your life, then get mad at you, and say a goodbye without opening his mouth. It hurts. And what's strange? Even the happiest people experience it.

I: I know, Ma'am. It's never easy.

M: Do not cry, Ian. Whoever that person is, I hope he sees you. I don't want you crying.

I: That would never happen. I don't think she, apologies, he would never realize the pain. Sometimes, I think no one regrets my loss. I don't know. Do you feel it? When everything goes the other way around, you're so upset, but then it just happens that no one cares at all?

I must be crazy, huh.

M: Ian. Have you ever experienced a day without food?

I: No. I eat food 5 times a day. I drink more soft drinks than anyone can drink. I could have sold those for enough savings. I get your point, Ma'am.

M: See, you get it. We are going there; problem is you don't appreciate things. Frankly, I hate you for thinking like that. Do you think people would really love going with you if you think negatively? I don't think so. You're one of the luckiest people! Problem is you don't think of it. Let others feel you. Your presence! You're there, a person, you feel, therefore, you're human. You are hurt, and so are they. It's normal; to feel invisible. But then do you realize that sometimes you feel like someone other people look up to?

Bottomline: Ian, do not think like that. Whenever my students have problem, the pain stabs me more.

I: Wow, Ma'am. I guess I've just been pessimistic. And egoistic. And narrow-minded. I guess I've just been dumb again. Unlike anyone else who proved they can be a good friend.

M: Ian. I thought you've realized it? Look at me, do I look like I have a problem (Ma'am looks like she has a problem big time)

I: Uh... yeah.

M: Well I'm not scared to show it. I don't wear a mask.

I: What's with not wearing a mask Ma'am? Are you talking metaphorically?...

M: Yes, Ian. You don't want to feel sad. But everybody will be sad. I meant will, because it's not just a probability. You want me to talk to her?

I: No, Ma'am. And how do you know it's a she?

M: I did not. :) All I know is that you would not be so affected if it's just someone from your classification of gender. Do you want?

I: Thank you, Ma'am. But I know for one you've already helped very much. Now it's my turn to help myself. *hugs, sigh, smile at each other, farewell...*

~000~